It's become a daily ritual at my house. Every morning at 10:30 I make sure I'm outside, hopefully tastefully dressed, and usually with a mug of caffeine in hand. I hope my mailman doesn't think I've got a mad crush on him. I don't. I hope he realizes I stand at the mailbox daily, not to see a man in uniform, but to see if today is my day.

I wait, and wait, wait some more, always with my fingers crossed, that today is the day I get my government issued Economic Stimulus Payment.

Unfortunately, I'm not going to rush out and spend my rebate check on frivolous things. I'm going to use mine toward credit card debt. Most of that credit card debt, ironically enough, was incurred during April tax season. Thanks, government. The amount I'm getting back as a rebate will almost cover the costs I paid them a month ago. That's my luck for you. The year I'm supposed to get money from the government, they take even more from me.

I know we are supposed to go out on a mad shopping spree once we get our stimulus checks, and there is nothing in this world I would rather do. I would love to stimulate the economy with the purchase of a Margarator. It's a blender... err... super blender, designed specifically for margaritas. It also plugs into your vehicle's cigarette lighter for the margarita tailgate party that I would host, if I had the money.

And at that party -- again, if I had the money -- I would be wearing an expensive pair of shoes. Possibly red ones. I've never paid more than $90 for one pair and would have loved to stimulate my America while wearing an expensive pair of Manolo Blahnik's. Something Uncle Sam may not of cared about, but I'm sure Betsy Ross would be so proud she'd hand-stich a pillow I could place my shoes on nightly. She seemed sweet that way.

If I actually got to keep my Economic Stimulus Payment, I'd let my dogs stay at one of those fancy pet spas, too. No skimping. I'd let them get massages, deep cuticle rubs and mud baths. I imagine the mud there is way nicer then the mud we have at the house. I'm sure the government wouldn't mind the four-legged variety enjoying a little bit of their money.

After the dogs were relaxed and did their part for the land of the free, I'd purchase something for my husband. I think the government would want him to have an electric fly swatter, because nothing says "I did my share to help America out of its slump" like the excitement of owning 1500 volts of fly killing equipment.

All those dreams, as exciting as they sound, will have to wait. As for me, I'll keep hanging out by the mailbox until Mr. Postman brings me my check.

Shana Adkisson

366-3532

sadkisson@normantranscript.com