I've been bamboozled. I've been had. Definitely been buffaloed. I'd even go so far as to say I've been snookered.

For decades the magic of television has made us believe that everything is easily wrapped up in 30 minutes or less. And it's in that 30 minutes, according to television, that no messy, complicated issue can't be resolved without a good discussion, a warm hug and maybe some laughs peppered in here and there.

I always knew this was a farce with family-related shows. I've been in a family long enough to know that a good crisis can't be solved in a half-hour. Sometimes there are no laughs either.

What I had to learn, the hard way I might add, was that a home improvement project can't be completed in the time span it takes to watch the "Cobsy Show."

I didn't come from a very handy home growing up. We didn't have the latest in power tools. Nor did we care that the house came without fancy crown molding. We had no need for granite countertops in the kitchen or ceramic tile backsplashes. We had a house and that was enough to please us. As long as the roof over our heads didn't leak we didn't complain.

Then I grew up. And realized that the housing market favors crown molding, granite countertops and ceramic tile backsplashes.

You can imagine my na?vet? when it came to home design. I just assumed that when I would watch the do-it-yourself shows on television an entire west wing of a house could be demolished and rebuilt in about 30 minutes. After all, why would television lie to me?

My husband and I have worked on several projects at our house. And at the beginning of every project I get awakened from my home remodel amnesia. I forget, until we are knee deep in the project, just how much work is involved. Instead I get wrapped up in the shopping and planning phase of the project. The fun part.

My latest case of forgetfulness came when we worked on our master bathroom. The reality of the situation is that DIY shows fail to remind us that there are several trips to the home improvement store. There are no hair and makeup crews that come in and slap on lip gloss and rearrange our perfectly blonde highlights, if we had them. Instead the real reality is you're standing in the aisle of a home improvement store, with no makeup, clothes you've had on since the whole project began, arguing with your husband on which ceramic tile will look best. Or you're on your 10th trip in the last hour to find that whatchamacallit for the gizzy. And, no surprise, they are sold out of that particular model and you have to go to another store, in another town where they might have it in stock. If they don't have it in stock, no worries, they can order it for you. Delivery should be within two to three weeks. Maybe. If you're lucky. Now tell me where the "reality" is in all of that?

Shana Adkisson 366-3532 sadkisson@normantranscript.com