The Norman Transcript

Columns

December 22, 2012

The sartorial secrets of a fat man

NORMAN — In the spirit of the season of giving, I am sharing information on how a chubby man might look a bit slimmer without dieting.

First, you must be willing to buy new clothes occasionally and also be comfortable with some wardrobe deception.

Most men face the prospect of steadily increasing waistlines. In addition to pants, that expansion also affects shirt and coat sizes and the length of neckties.

That last item may surprise you but it is vital that the tip of the necktie always reach your beltline.

If not, that tie hanging halfway down your shirt looks like a pointer to your pot belly.

Wearing extra long ties should solve the problem nicely. A regular tie can be worn long by attaching the short end securely to the long end.

Your beltline should be as close to the navel as possible, the way many of us learned to wear our uniforms while in the military.

Those who routinely let their belt slip under their belly, otherwise known as “dunlop disease,” may want to stop reading if they’re not willing to pull up their pants.

By the way, “dunlop” gets its name from the obvious fact that the belly “done lopped over the belt.”

Letting pants ride low on your hips – although fashionable in many places – emphasizes girth and might expose that vertical cleavage behind you.

And, as the waistline grows, make sure you get longer belts. Each should be at least 1.5 inches wide so they won’t roll under your waistband.

New belts always should be the same style and color so that no one notices you’re wearing a bigger one.

Shirts, too, must grow as your waistline does. Front buttons straining to hold the shirt together are a sure sign of extra weight.

And that’s really obvious if your collar is too tight. Big guys shouldn’t buy shirts with button-down collars if they wear ties. They will roll, instead of spreading flat like a pointed or straight collar.

Text Only | Photo Reprints
Columns
  • Congress should close gaps

    Of all of Edward Snowden’s revelations about electronic surveillance by the National Security Agency, the most unsettling was that the government was accumulating vast numbers of records about the telephone calls of American citizens. In ...

    July 27, 2014

  • Border obsession overlooks trade

    Texas Gov. Rick Perry made headlines recently by ordering 1,000 National Guard troops to the border. This bravado comes at a price: $12 million a month. Perry plans to send the bill the federal government. That’s one way to finance your ...

    July 27, 2014

  • Intercession badly needed in this world

    Yesterday was my feast day, or as the Italians call it, my “onomastico.” Since I live in the United States, it went completely unnoticed. If I lived in Italy, however, I would have been showered with cards and phone calls. That’s because ...

    July 27, 2014

  • Porch leap looked muchbigger as a kid

    It’s no secret that porch designs have changed over the years. Drive through new Norman developments and look at the porches. Most only have room for a potted plant and a spot to drop those UPS packages, no place for a porch swing or ...

    July 27, 2014

  • Keeping the war buried

    International outrage over the downing of a Malaysian passenger plane over Ukraine on July 17 does not appear to have affected either the actions of pro-Russia forces in that country or the material support Russia is offering the rebels. ...

    July 26, 2014

  • Gaza’s victims: civilians and peace

    After more than two weeks of fighting between Hamas and Israel, there is no question which side has the upper hand. Thursday’s strike on a U.N.-run school for Palestinian children increased the Palestinian death toll to more than 760. By ...

    July 26, 2014

  • Norman Forward builds momentum

    The quiet campaign to build momentum for a citywide public works project is beginning to attract some attention....

    July 20, 2014

  • Tax those trees out of here

    I read your editorial “Pesky red cedars” in the Norman Transcript of Tuesday, July 15, 2014. I have attended two meetings where the problem of the eastern red cedar trees was discussed. Because of the drought conditions in Oklahoma, we ...

    July 20, 2014

  • Make gun safety a health issue

    Quick, are you more likely to die by a bullet or in a car crash? Common sense would seem to suggest the latter. Cars are everywhere. We are an auto-obsessed nation. To be American is to drive — everywhere. Teenagers itch to get behind the ...

    July 20, 2014

  • They just want to be free ... maybe

    Massoud Barzani, president of Iraq’s semiautonomous Kurdistan region, rattled many cages this month when he announced in parliament that the KRG would be moving ahead soon on a referendum on independence from Iraq. If Kurdistan goes ahead ...

    July 20, 2014