The Norman Transcript

Columns

July 25, 2013

Success in politics is just scandalous

(Continued)

NORMAN —

“Ah,” he said, “the women who fawn over politicians?”

“That would be swell,” I replied.

“That’s more like it,” he said, making a mark on the form with his pencil. “Let’s see what we can do for you. For what office would you like to run?”

“I dunno,” I said thoughtfully. “I thought I might start small, maybe the U.S. House of Representatives.”

“Fine,” he said before running through a laundry list of questions concerning my work background, education and political affiliations.

“And what,” he said, “is your scandal?”

“My scandal? I don’t know what you mean. I haven’t been involved in any scandals.”

The gentleman looked at me like I had just said I didn’t have a nose.

“But surely you must have a scandal if you expect to get elected to anything these days,” he said. “Graft or stealing from funds that feed poor children won’t cut it anymore. A good sex scandal is required.”

“I … I don’t understand,” I said.

The fellow spoke to me as if to a child.

“Look who’s running for office these days,” he said. “Eliot Spitzer spends $80,000 on hookers, gets caught and resigns as governor of New York. Five years later, he’s running for New York City comptroller, and I wouldn’t bet against him.

“Same thing with Sen. David Vitter in Louisiana. Had a thing for ladies of the evening, says he’s sorry, then gets re-elected with no problems.

“And former New York Congressman Anthony Weiner? He sends photos of his privates to every woman in the world except the queen of England, resigns in disgrace and now he’s the favorite to be the next mayor of New York City.”

“Wait a minute,” I said, “What about Florida Rep. Mark Foley, who came on to young male congressional pages? He resigned and didn’t run for anything again. And neither did former Idaho Sen. Larry ‘Wide Stance’ Craig, who got busted for lewd conduct in an airport men’s room.”

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