The Norman Transcript

Columns

July 25, 2013

Success in politics is just scandalous

(Continued)

NORMAN —

“Ah,” he said, “the women who fawn over politicians?”

“That would be swell,” I replied.

“That’s more like it,” he said, making a mark on the form with his pencil. “Let’s see what we can do for you. For what office would you like to run?”

“I dunno,” I said thoughtfully. “I thought I might start small, maybe the U.S. House of Representatives.”

“Fine,” he said before running through a laundry list of questions concerning my work background, education and political affiliations.

“And what,” he said, “is your scandal?”

“My scandal? I don’t know what you mean. I haven’t been involved in any scandals.”

The gentleman looked at me like I had just said I didn’t have a nose.

“But surely you must have a scandal if you expect to get elected to anything these days,” he said. “Graft or stealing from funds that feed poor children won’t cut it anymore. A good sex scandal is required.”

“I … I don’t understand,” I said.

The fellow spoke to me as if to a child.

“Look who’s running for office these days,” he said. “Eliot Spitzer spends $80,000 on hookers, gets caught and resigns as governor of New York. Five years later, he’s running for New York City comptroller, and I wouldn’t bet against him.

“Same thing with Sen. David Vitter in Louisiana. Had a thing for ladies of the evening, says he’s sorry, then gets re-elected with no problems.

“And former New York Congressman Anthony Weiner? He sends photos of his privates to every woman in the world except the queen of England, resigns in disgrace and now he’s the favorite to be the next mayor of New York City.”

“Wait a minute,” I said, “What about Florida Rep. Mark Foley, who came on to young male congressional pages? He resigned and didn’t run for anything again. And neither did former Idaho Sen. Larry ‘Wide Stance’ Craig, who got busted for lewd conduct in an airport men’s room.”

Text Only | Photo Reprints
Columns
  • Norman Forward builds momentum

    The quiet campaign to build momentum for a citywide public works project is beginning to attract some attention....

    July 20, 2014

  • Tax those trees out of here

    I read your editorial “Pesky red cedars” in the Norman Transcript of Tuesday, July 15, 2014. I have attended two meetings where the problem of the eastern red cedar trees was discussed. Because of the drought conditions in Oklahoma, we ...

    July 20, 2014

  • Make gun safety a health issue

    Quick, are you more likely to die by a bullet or in a car crash? Common sense would seem to suggest the latter. Cars are everywhere. We are an auto-obsessed nation. To be American is to drive — everywhere. Teenagers itch to get behind the ...

    July 20, 2014

  • They just want to be free ... maybe

    Massoud Barzani, president of Iraq’s semiautonomous Kurdistan region, rattled many cages this month when he announced in parliament that the KRG would be moving ahead soon on a referendum on independence from Iraq. If Kurdistan goes ahead ...

    July 20, 2014

  • Congress must accelerate solutions

    Congress has roused itself, at the last minute, and now is scrambling to save the Highway Trust Fund. Better late than never. Better still will be if lawmakers agree to come up with the money to prevent the fund from becoming insolvent. ...

    July 20, 2014

  • The heavy burden of college aid

    Return on investment is a clear measure of what you get for your money. Incredibly, the federal government doesn’t apply that simple concept to the $137 billion a year it spends on college financial aid....

    July 19, 2014

  • James bears weight of Cav’s dreams

    LeBron James has done it all on a basketball court. He’s a great scorer, rugged defender, proven big-play leader and champion. But that might not be enough in Cleveland, where he’ll also need the powers of Merlin the Magician....

    July 17, 2014

  • Steve Boaz.jpg Breathing Rhythm Studio a center for creativity

    Recording engineer Steve Boaz has brought his musical ambitions to fulfillment in a downtown Norman studio.

    July 14, 2014 1 Photo

  • Matt Lauer is so last century

    How about we rename “The Today Show” the “Yesterday Show” since host Matt Lauer asks questions from 1953? Isn’t what Lauer asked GM CEO Mary Barra about whether she’ll do “well” at being simultaneously an executive and a mom about, oh, 30 ...

    July 14, 2014

  • Religion’s role shrinking

    Surveying the response to last month’s Hobby Lobby decision, I was struck by a comment from progressive Massachusetts senator and possible Democratic presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren....

    July 12, 2014