The Norman Transcript

Columns

September 24, 2013

Test your true self with reality TV

(Continued)

NORMAN —

And maybe I’ll start believing folks are introverted and non-judgmental as soon as I stop listening to talk radio and reading stuff online.

The big news, however, is that I’ve discovered a way to replace those personality tests clogging the self-actualization, leadership and motivation market.

From now on, deep personality structure will be catalogued by using Gina’s Reality TV Matrix: In this scenario, your temperament and identity are defined by the tackiest reality shows you watch.

Participants will be divided into categories. We’ll have the “Hoarders, Teen Mom, Catfish” category, otherwise known as the “Too Much Is Not Enough” group. We’ll have a “Doomsday Preppers, Duck Dynasty, Breaking Amish” consortium for those who are adamant about being able to exist in multiple environments simultaneously.

A third group might fall under the “Toddlers And Tiaras, Honey Boo Boo, Dance Moms” aegis. Although this does not mean you are automatically put on the predator list, it does mean you need to start saving for therapy, either your own or your offspring’s.

You’ll assemble a startlingly accurate personality profile based on your selection from each category.

Let’s say you’re a “Duck Dynasty,” “Toddlers and Tiaras,” plus “Pawn Stars” type: you are, therefore, a Domestic Striver, a person with an eye toward putting the value in family values. You like glitter and camo.

Part of the “Dance Moms,” “Teen Mom” and “Doomsday Preppers” constituency? You’re an Apocalypse Hipster, not only believing the world is coming to an end but sort of rooting for it. You like sweat pants and canned goods.

Is “American Pickers,” “Breaking Amish” and “Honey Boo Boo” your signature combo? You’re a Self-Maker, ready for whatever life, or your audience, throws at you, which could be messy. You have a fondness for drama and rust.

Text Only | Photo Reprints
Columns
  • Congress should close gaps

    Of all of Edward Snowden’s revelations about electronic surveillance by the National Security Agency, the most unsettling was that the government was accumulating vast numbers of records about the telephone calls of American citizens. In ...

    July 27, 2014

  • Border obsession overlooks trade

    Texas Gov. Rick Perry made headlines recently by ordering 1,000 National Guard troops to the border. This bravado comes at a price: $12 million a month. Perry plans to send the bill the federal government. That’s one way to finance your ...

    July 27, 2014

  • Intercession badly needed in this world

    Yesterday was my feast day, or as the Italians call it, my “onomastico.” Since I live in the United States, it went completely unnoticed. If I lived in Italy, however, I would have been showered with cards and phone calls. That’s because ...

    July 27, 2014

  • Porch leap looked muchbigger as a kid

    It’s no secret that porch designs have changed over the years. Drive through new Norman developments and look at the porches. Most only have room for a potted plant and a spot to drop those UPS packages, no place for a porch swing or ...

    July 27, 2014

  • Keeping the war buried

    International outrage over the downing of a Malaysian passenger plane over Ukraine on July 17 does not appear to have affected either the actions of pro-Russia forces in that country or the material support Russia is offering the rebels. ...

    July 26, 2014

  • Gaza’s victims: civilians and peace

    After more than two weeks of fighting between Hamas and Israel, there is no question which side has the upper hand. Thursday’s strike on a U.N.-run school for Palestinian children increased the Palestinian death toll to more than 760. By ...

    July 26, 2014

  • Norman Forward builds momentum

    The quiet campaign to build momentum for a citywide public works project is beginning to attract some attention....

    July 20, 2014

  • Tax those trees out of here

    I read your editorial “Pesky red cedars” in the Norman Transcript of Tuesday, July 15, 2014. I have attended two meetings where the problem of the eastern red cedar trees was discussed. Because of the drought conditions in Oklahoma, we ...

    July 20, 2014

  • Make gun safety a health issue

    Quick, are you more likely to die by a bullet or in a car crash? Common sense would seem to suggest the latter. Cars are everywhere. We are an auto-obsessed nation. To be American is to drive — everywhere. Teenagers itch to get behind the ...

    July 20, 2014

  • They just want to be free ... maybe

    Massoud Barzani, president of Iraq’s semiautonomous Kurdistan region, rattled many cages this month when he announced in parliament that the KRG would be moving ahead soon on a referendum on independence from Iraq. If Kurdistan goes ahead ...

    July 20, 2014