Published: December 19, 2007 12:00 am            

Are 'push presents' a labor of love or over the line

The New York Times gave birth to a bouncing, baby controversy recently.

Under the headline, "A Bundle of Joy Isn't Enough?" an article in its Fashion -- Style explored a trend called "push presents." Citing a survey by BabyCenter.com, it reported that 38 percent of new mothers had received a gift from their mate in the connection with the birth of their child. And that 55 percent of presently pregnant women wanted one.

The practice goes by other names, including "baby mama gift" and "baby bauble." But "push present" is the most popular, presumably because "push" is the instructive word most commonly associated with the birth-giving process -- at least, as it's scripted in television and movie scenes. I have no first-hand knowledge about this because, when my children were being born, fathers were not invited into the delivery room. So the last instructive words I heard from their mother as she was being gurneyed away were, "Get me drugs! NOW!"

By whatever name, the going reward for nine months of gestation and countless hours of labor frequently is bling of some kind, leading some to suspect the whole "push present" thing was a marketing scheme devised by jewelry stores. Which wouldn't be the first time. That is, after all, the same industry that shamelessly seeks to exploit male guilt by using ads declaring that men are required to periodically prove their love by buying their female partners large diamonds for every occasion this side of Groundhog Day.

And, in fact some jewelers have allowed themselves to capitalize on the trend. One chain, for instance, marketed diamond earrings with the ad line, "She delivered your first born; now give her twins." If she delivered twins, presumably, she would be entitled to a pair of earrings, a necklace and a bracelet.

But there was no real evidence to support the contention that jewelers are responsible. Some research indicated that giving post-natal gifts was a European or Asian custom. Another supposition was that celebrities started it. Actor Pierce Brosnan is said to have given his wife three diamond and gold bracelets, plus a two-week trip to Bora Bora after the birth of their son.

However it started, the "push presents" piece in the Times generated fast and furious reaction. It reportedly was the newspaper's most e-mailed story of the day and the ensuing reader comments filled dozens of Web sites. Most of them were from women. And, while 55 percent of pregnant women may want "push presents," an even larger percentage of respondents found the idea appalling.

"Couples who equate the birth of a child with the time to give a pair of diamond earrings are spiritually bankrupt," declared "Mother of 2, Maine."

"Not being able to have children myself, I am overwhelmed by the selfishness and self-centeredness of any woman who for being given the gift of a child demands a material gift as well," wrote "Lois, Grand Rapids, Mich."

"What's next? A 'the baby's first poop" necklace!?!?'" demanded "PKN, Piscataway, N.J."

Having learned long ago never to get into an argument about childbirth with any woman who is -- or ever was -- pregnant, I'm not taking sides on this one. Although I will say that I wouldn't want a diamond ring in exchange for nine months of pregnancy and 15 hours in the delivery room.

My starting price would be a Jaguar convertible.

D.L. Stewart is a columnist for the Dayton Daily News. He may be contacted at dlstewart@daytondailynews.com.

        

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