The scandals continue in …
April … when the U.S. Secret Service acknowledges that agents sent to Colombia to provide security for President Obama at the Summit of the Americas allegedly engaged in some unauthorized summiting. The agents are immediately recalled to the United States and reassigned to former President Bill Clinton.
Abroad, a closely watched attempt by North Korea to test a long-range rocket capable of carrying a nuclear warhead ends in an embarrassing failure when, moments before the scheduled launch, the rocket is eaten by North Korean citizens.
Meanwhile in Waziristan, tensions continue to mount when an al Qaida safe house is destroyed by an unmanned Predator drone missile that apparently gained access by pretending to deliver a pizza.
In finance, Moody’s downgrades Spain’s credit rating from “putrid” to “rancid” when the Spanish government is unable to produce a valid photo ID.
In domestic business news, Facebook spends $1 billion to buy Instagram. Since everybody involved is about 19 years old, Wall Street concludes this must be a good idea.
In golf, Bubba Watson wins a dramatic Masters tournament in a sudden-death playoff when Louis Oosthuizen suddenly dies, thereby incurring a three-stroke penalty. Elsewhere in sports, NFL Commissioner Goodell vows to investigate reports that some members of the New Orleans Saints have deliberately called opposing players bad names.
On a sad note, beloved entertainer Dick Clark passes away, although he will continue to host his popular New Year’s Eve special.
Speaking of sad, in …
May … Newt Gingrich finally suspends his presidential campaign, despite an emotional plea to keep fighting from his base of supporters.
In other political news, President Obama, who supported same-sex marriage when he ran for the Illinois Senate in 1996 but opposed it when he ran for the U.S. Senate in 2004, clarifies his evolving position, which is that he once again fully supports same-sex marriage. Mitt Romney reaffirms his long-standing position on the issue, which is that he is in favor of sex during marriage.