The Norman Transcript

Features

August 2, 2013

Only give advice when it’s asked for

NORMAN — Q: Our daughter and son-in-law have consented to be the guardians of our first grandchild, due in a few months. In preparation for this momentous event, we want to understand what our boundaries are.

They will be living fairly close and we anticipate seeing them fairly often. When should we give advice and when should we not give advice? If we see them handling something wrongly, should we mention it to them? If they disagree with something we do, should we change our ways? Thanks for helping us out with this.

A: Your first sentence summed up exactly how my wife and I saw the role of our children in our grandchildren’s lives. The young ones were our grandchildren first, their children second. In effect, they acted “in loco grandparentis.” But in all seriousness, you obviously have a good sense of humor, which you will sometimes need, let me assure you.

As you are well aware, parenting is to great degree a trial-and-error process, and some parents make more errors along the way, and some children make for more parental error.

It is difficult, therefore, for those of us who’ve gone through the struggle and emerged relatively unscathed to keep our mouths shut when we see young parents making mistakes we learned not to make (after making them). We so much want to help them not have to travel along that hard road. The problem is, they have to travel the same road to learn the same lessons.

The further problem is that the world of parenting has turned 180 degrees since you and I were young, first-time parents. For example, today’s parents believe paying children lots of attention is a right and proper thing. I need not remind you that there was a day when children were supposed to pay far more attention to their parents than their parents paid them.

Text Only | Photo Reprints
Features
  • Parents urged to research ADHD

    Q: Our son has just been diagnosed with ADHD, and we have been told he may need social skills training. He is in third grade, and this is all very new and foreign. Do you know anything about this training, and what does this mean for his ...

    April 18, 2014

  • Eggspectations

    You may or may not be aware that for many people Easter Sunday is a greater and more important event than Christmas Day. On Easter Sunday the purpose which began with His birth, celebrated on Christmas Day, was fulfilled. Nevertheless, in ...

    April 18, 2014

  • Biting protocol for puppies

    Dear Dr. Fox: My puppy really likes to chew on my hand when I pet him. I am afraid he might get more aggressive when he gets older. His sharp teeth hurt, and sometimes he runs at me and jumps up to paw me. I push him away, but he comes ...

    April 17, 2014

  • Norman volunteer recognized for work at Veterans Corner

    Each week, we recognize a volunteer who makes that extra effort to assure that a veteran or surviving spouse receives VA benefits. Shirley Clark-Cowdin has been with us four years. During that time, she and her crew of ladies have helped ...

    April 16, 2014

  • Here is how reverse mortgages operate nowadays

    Dear Savvy Senior, What can you tell me about reverse mortgages? I was considering one last year, but now I hear they are more difficult to get....

    April 15, 2014

  • Annual Norman Iris Show set at library

    A tradition of the Norman Area Iris Society and Norman Public Library returns this spring with the annual Norman Iris Show from 1 to 4 p.m. April 27 in the Lowry Room of the library, 225 N. Webster Ave....

    April 15, 2014

  • Allan Oehlschlager, family celebrating 100-year milestone

    From Kansas City to Norman with stops in Pennsylvania, Connecticut, Yale, Oklahoma City and Edmond — looking back as he prepared to mark his 100th birthday today, Allan Oehlschlager termed it a “glorious ride.” Born April 13, 1914, in ...

    April 13, 2014

  • Single parents to be honored

    Five Oklahoma single parents and two adult children of single parents will be honored with awards at the Single Parent Support Network black tie fundraiser, “An Enchanted Evening,” on April 29 at the Jim Thorpe Museum and Oklahoma Sports ...

    April 13, 2014

  • Dreams for the next 14 years

    On Monday I’ll be the proud aunt of a 14-year-old niece. For 14 years, I’ve had the chance to get used to her being 14 someday, and I’m still not there. Maybe in another 14 years, I’ll realize that she’s not a baby anymore....

    April 13, 2014

  • Midwest City reunions set

    Midwest City High School class reunions for 1970 to 1979 will be hosted in June at the Midwest City Community Center....

    April 13, 2014

Video
Facebook