NORMAN — Q: We have two boys, 8 and 7. They are completely, and I mean completely, out of control. They constantly argue, fight and tattle. If they’re not fighting, they’re playing chaotically. Homework is a constant battle, and getting them to bed takes more than an hour.
To top it off, they completely ignore us when we give them instructions, and one boy’s disobedience seems to make the other boy worse. It’s driving me absolutely nuts, but they don’t seem to care.
We can’t go out in public or have people over to our house because their behavior is at its worst when other people are around. They love an audience. Please help.
A: When unresolved discipline problems have piled up to this level, parents begin acting frustrated, frazzled, and frantic, all of which simply makes matters worse. No discipline approach is going to work when parents are at wits’ end. And when, under these circumstances, some method doesn’t work, the defeat results in a greater feeling of despair, greater frustration, and yet another haphazard approach that’s bound to fail.
To begin solving the numerous problems you’re experiencing with these wild boys, you’re going to have to focus on one problem, and one problem only. While doing so, you will need to let the others “fall by the wayside.” Just muddle through them as well as you can, the important thing being that you stop losing your cool. How do you stop losing your cool? By experiencing some success, and by realizing that these problems are not insurmountable. You are in desperate need of some optimism, and I’m going to do my best to help you acquire it.
I’m going to recommend that you focus on the sibling conflict. Remember, even though the other problems are as big or bigger, you’re just going to let them go for the time being. After all, they’re not going to get any worse. I know it’s hard, but you need to take a deep breath and accept that if you try to solve more than one of these problems at a time, you’ll end up solving none.