The Norman Transcript

Features

March 8, 2013

Pest

NORMAN — Can we just begin by agreeing that pests come in many forms — besides the human variety?

Unfortunately, the human pests are not eradicable (in a humane way, of course). Perhaps that is because one man’s pest is another man’s good buddy. Go figure. Obviously, there is no accounting for taste or lack thereof.

The pests whereof we speak today are the kind for which we hire pest control “experts.” Mind you, such “experts” come in as many varieties as do the pests themselves.

There is “Chuck-in-the-truck” — he slaps a magnetic sign on the side of his truck and hopes folks will believe he knows the pest control business (aside from buying a can of Raid). Along with Chuck are the DIY folks and when you compare the two groups, the only difference is that DIY costs less and the job will be more thorough than old Chuck.

Of course, there are countless, legitimate pest control companies with well-trained and knowledgeable staff who do a decent job. Some products are less toxic than others, but all manage to keep the critters at bay, at least for a short time.

The dirty little secret with any of the foregoing pest control methods is that once the controlling part is completed, the little buggers you tried to destroy congregate for a celebration in the middle of the kitchen floor. Perhaps we should call this event a Pest Rave, as in the home owner goes stark, raving mad while stomping on all those supposedly controlled pests.

The legitimate pest control dude explains this phenomenon thusly: “Our spraying flushes some out, but kills the others.” Seriously? They should all be vanquished, eradicated and obliterated from our kitchen floors.

The truth is those pesky pests were here before us and if our lack of control and eradication efforts are any indication, they will be here when the earth is drawn into the sun or some other catastrophic end.

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