The Norman Transcript

March 8, 2013


The Norman Transcript

NORMAN — Can we just begin by agreeing that pests come in many forms — besides the human variety?

Unfortunately, the human pests are not eradicable (in a humane way, of course). Perhaps that is because one man’s pest is another man’s good buddy. Go figure. Obviously, there is no accounting for taste or lack thereof.

The pests whereof we speak today are the kind for which we hire pest control “experts.” Mind you, such “experts” come in as many varieties as do the pests themselves.

There is “Chuck-in-the-truck” — he slaps a magnetic sign on the side of his truck and hopes folks will believe he knows the pest control business (aside from buying a can of Raid). Along with Chuck are the DIY folks and when you compare the two groups, the only difference is that DIY costs less and the job will be more thorough than old Chuck.

Of course, there are countless, legitimate pest control companies with well-trained and knowledgeable staff who do a decent job. Some products are less toxic than others, but all manage to keep the critters at bay, at least for a short time.

The dirty little secret with any of the foregoing pest control methods is that once the controlling part is completed, the little buggers you tried to destroy congregate for a celebration in the middle of the kitchen floor. Perhaps we should call this event a Pest Rave, as in the home owner goes stark, raving mad while stomping on all those supposedly controlled pests.

The legitimate pest control dude explains this phenomenon thusly: “Our spraying flushes some out, but kills the others.” Seriously? They should all be vanquished, eradicated and obliterated from our kitchen floors.

The truth is those pesky pests were here before us and if our lack of control and eradication efforts are any indication, they will be here when the earth is drawn into the sun or some other catastrophic end.

And yet, we keep on trying to at least hold back the tide and keep the critters outside our homes. However, if you live in the country, the battle is ongoing and the best we can hope for is a draw because the pests want what we want — a warm in the winter and air conditioned in the summer environment. On a common sense level it sounds reasonable, but when you factor in the “YUK” component, it is completely unacceptable to everyone except the pests.

Aside from spiders, creepy crawling critters manage to enter our spotless and sterile homes with ease. This also is true with regard to field mice and rats, if they can get their heads in an opening the body is soon to follow.

Ever the optimist when it comes to keeping our home critter free, we have an environmentally friendly pest control service which shows up once a quarter. Aside from poking around in every nook and cranny and spraying where needed, he puts out cute little “sticky inns” — a critter may enter, but it will stick around until its demise.

The nice fellow also leaves a handful of sticky sheets which can be slipped under furniture and other dark places. The sheets serve the same purpose as the “sticky inns” but bigger, allowing for more capturing room.

It never occurred to me that the sheets would trap anything bigger than a cricket until one morning I spotted movement across the living room floor. Mind you, this is without my contacts or glasses. When I went to investigate, the sticky sheet had trapped two mice — one dead and one halfway on and halfway off the sheet, which explained the movement. He was trying to escape.

Since it was the crack of dawn, I stifled a scream and waited until Hubby woke up to take care of the problem.

But recently, Hubby left for work and then I found a twitching and stuck mouse. So, wonder woman was forced to handle this job herself.

Elizabeth is an author and freelance writer. Visit her website Check out her new novel, “The Dionysus Connection” on Amazon.

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