The Norman Transcript

April 12, 2013

The chicken or the egg


The Norman Transcript

NORMAN — Now that Easter has come and gone, countless homes have acquired new additions to the family.

Many believe the Easter Bunny is responsible for dropping them off along with the pastel colored eggs, some of which were so well hidden no one will find them until their pungent perfume screams for attention. You do know we are not talking about a pleasant scent you may enjoy and use to mask unpleasant odors. They are the unpleasant odors.

The new live additions to the family are cute, fluffy, cuddly and yellow, usually referred to as baby chicks and ducklings. But after the novelty wears off, the cute creatures eventually grow up into neither cute nor fluffy fowl. Not only are they long-lived and require lots of care, they also are messy eaters and poop a lot. Also, the yellow fuzzy creatures are noisy and annoying. They are quite similar to human babies.

But unlike human babies, who we love, cherish and train — to potty in appropriate receptacles, to keep the noise down to a dull roar and to quit pestering us for more stuff and/or money, there is an expiration date. It is the inevitable diminishing of affection on the part of the recipient for the formerly cute and fuzzy creatures. In other words, the fowl are truly foul.

Due to the connection of Easter to the pastel-colored, hard-shelled objects previous ejected by fowl; we have now arrived at the age old question: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Whoever bothered to come up with the question in the first place was no Albert Einstein utilizing thought experiments to answer probing puzzles of the universe. The question does not even measure up to the equivalent of a parlor trick. What a waste of mental and verbal energy.

Of course, the chicken had to come first. Someone (as in creature) had to be around to take care of the helpless cackleberry. Without the chicken to keep those eggs warm, the hard-shelled oval objects would have lounged around shivering until they finally became smelly and unpleasant. Just like their pastel Easter relatives.

The same can be said of humans.

As some may recall, Adam was created first. In the beginning, bachelor life was great. No responsibilities. Most of the time he was reclining on the grass, gazing in stupefied wonder at clouds. Is it any wonder the fellow became bored and lonely?

Subsequently, he was given a playmate, Eve. She was the one who made sure he took a bath every once in a while, so he would not offend her delicate nasal passages. She also made certain he ate his daily allotment of fruit to stay healthy. But she got carried away with nanny mentality and they were kicked out of their lodgings.

Suddenly the old boy could no longer loll around frolicking with the lions and tigers and bears, or expect Eve to take care of his needs. Adam was forced to become the provider because food was scarce and Eve was busy having babies because there was no birth control back then.

Now if little Cain and Abel had appeared on the scene first, no one would have been around to change their leaves or keep the “friendly” creatures from using them as paw balls. After a few friendly swats from a lion or a bear, Cain and Abel would never have made it to puberty or the great no-love-lost-between-the-brothers episode.

Granted, the accommodations were less than ideal, but Adam and Eve were there to take care of the little cave rats. At least until they outgrew their leaves and had to get bigger ones.

See how logical the whole process is?

Next time someone poses the question to you, just say: The cackleberry is number two.

Elizabeth is a freelance writer and author. Check out her novel “The Dionysus Connection” on Amazon or ask your bookstore to order it for you. Visit her website: www.elizabethcowan.com.

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