The Norman Transcript


July 21, 2013

Some people are dirt magnets

NORMAN — The world is a grubby place. It is covered with all manner of nasty things, starting with plain old dirt, road slush, rocks and other unmentionables piled everywhere, including on top of those impossible-to-dust places like the Himalayas. But it is home.

You would think that on a planet nicknamed the “Big Blue Marble,” dirt and its cohorts would be non-existent. How about keeping it contained to one spot so every place else would be clean? Silly, you know that is not possible, not if you are a bipedal dirt lure. After all, even water gets muddy.

In case you overlooked the obvious signs — bloody hot weather, bright sun, lack of rain and strength-sapping humidity — summer is in full Easy-Bake oven mode.

Compared to Venus, it might actually be comfortable. Of course you know that the little “love planet” Venus is hotter than Mercury because that little rock/planet, which travels close to the Sun, has no atmosphere.

Perhaps because of the heat, those pesky sweat glands get a workout without completing even one rep of the Insanity Workout.

Consequently, the skin and the damp clothing become virtual magnets and everything you come in contact with will tenaciously adhere to all clothing, as well as any exposed skin, until someone takes the merciful approach and hoses you down. Or, in the case of children, your mommy makes you take a bath.

Some people do not need an excuse to get dirty. They may actually be living, breathing dirt magnets. Summer, fall, winter or spring, such folks manage to find a way to get their clothes dirty.

My dear mother-in-law used to complain that her husband always wore his newest work clothes whenever he decided to work on the car or any other grease-infested machine. Consequently, most of his undershirts and work clothes were decorated with indelible, black grease stains.

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