The Norman Transcript

Features

November 22, 2012

The domesticated omnivores

NORMAN — By the size of things, we are all too aware of the fact that humans are omnivores. They will eat anything — animals, vegetables, and in some instances, minerals such as gold flakes in their drinks or in their food.

Could a sprinkling of gold in your food or drink be a twist on the Midas Touch? Since it is an aberration, let’s call it the Midas Syndrome. No true benefits that we know of, but it does appeal to the showoff gene prevalent in everyone to some degree.

Unfortunately, Midas for whom the “Touch” is named got a bit carried away and turned his own child to gold, which saved him a ton of gold when it came to clothing, food and toys for the kid. Just think, he could actually claim to have a polished child. Cold and hard when it came to hugging, but on the plus side she only required a bit of dusting with Pledge or Windex now and then.

When we visit the homes of some dog owners and Hubby tries to feed table scraps to their dogs, the owners go into apoplectic fits. “We only feed them Super Scientifically Concocted Dog Food developed in a sterile laboratory, never table scraps,” they explain.

“Why go to all the expense when table scraps are available?”

“It’s better for them. Human food affects their output. They go all over the yard.”

What an interesting glimpse of society’s mindset. The urge to manipulate has come down to poop control.

We live in the country and our dogs are omnivores. They do not require uppity dog food, and are content with regular dog food along with anything edible, which in their case is almost everything. The dogs romp all over the Funny Farm, playing tag with the horses and herding the cows, whether they want to be herded or not. Consequently, they require food and lots of it.

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