The Norman Transcript

November 22, 2012

The domesticated omnivores

The Norman Transcript

NORMAN — By the size of things, we are all too aware of the fact that humans are omnivores. They will eat anything — animals, vegetables, and in some instances, minerals such as gold flakes in their drinks or in their food.

Could a sprinkling of gold in your food or drink be a twist on the Midas Touch? Since it is an aberration, let’s call it the Midas Syndrome. No true benefits that we know of, but it does appeal to the showoff gene prevalent in everyone to some degree.

Unfortunately, Midas for whom the “Touch” is named got a bit carried away and turned his own child to gold, which saved him a ton of gold when it came to clothing, food and toys for the kid. Just think, he could actually claim to have a polished child. Cold and hard when it came to hugging, but on the plus side she only required a bit of dusting with Pledge or Windex now and then.

When we visit the homes of some dog owners and Hubby tries to feed table scraps to their dogs, the owners go into apoplectic fits. “We only feed them Super Scientifically Concocted Dog Food developed in a sterile laboratory, never table scraps,” they explain.

“Why go to all the expense when table scraps are available?”

“It’s better for them. Human food affects their output. They go all over the yard.”

What an interesting glimpse of society’s mindset. The urge to manipulate has come down to poop control.

We live in the country and our dogs are omnivores. They do not require uppity dog food, and are content with regular dog food along with anything edible, which in their case is almost everything. The dogs romp all over the Funny Farm, playing tag with the horses and herding the cows, whether they want to be herded or not. Consequently, they require food and lots of it.

Their dog food does not cost an arm, a leg and a big hairy toe nor does it require refrigeration or freezing. Strange as it may seem, those appliances are for people food, not pet food.

Reminds me of my visit to a home where the family pet was a good sized snake. If they ran out of live mice, they kept mice in the freezer as backup. Would that be the reptilian version of TV dinners? Do they zap the mice in the microwave or bake them in the oven? If anyone stored a mouse in my refrigerator or freezer, I would have to throw out the contaminated, germy appliance.

Besides regular dog food, the table scraps are a treat and the dogs lie in wait for any goody we may toss out. However, they do possess a modicum of “refinement” when it comes to the choices they make. One of the dogs will eat vegetables while the other two turn up their noses and leave the veggies for her.

We had one dog who loved fish. He would go fishing with Hubby, which meant when the cork bobbed he jumped in and snatched the fish off the line. Duke did not wait for Hubby to clean the fish. He ate the whole thing — scales, head, bones and all. Then he licked his chops and watched the cork in the water, ready for another fishy treat.

If we do not like the taste of a food item and want verification that it is yucky, we offer it to the dogs. If the dogs will not eat it, it is definitely yucky.

Thanksgiving at our house will be celebrated by man and beast alike. In fact, the dogs must sense the holiday’s approach because they are licking their chops in anticipation of the feast to come.

May you and yours enjoy a “yipping” terrific Thanksgiving as well.

Elizabeth is an author and freelance writer. Visit her website,

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