The Norman Transcript

Features

April 18, 2013

As-is and with all flaws

NORMAN — In a couple of months the wedding season will be upon us. But even as the loving couples say their vows, we have to wonder if they see the loved one clearly, as-is and with all flaws.

You would think going into a marriage with open eyes would make the road ahead smoother. Don’t bet on it.

Marriage is not only a mystery — why do people choose the partners they agree to marry? Marriage also is rewarding and hard work. When you join two unrelated persons in holy matrimony (or a destination wedding), each comes with some or lots of personal baggage. Did you really expect them to go skipping happily down the highway of life without a bit of effort?

Aside from love, communication and a sense of humor, each of the parties needs the gift of understanding. This gift is one they will treasure because it will keep the home fires burning at a steady burn, rather than flaring up and down with each bump in the road. Be realistic, flare ups take too much energy and will never change annoying character traits each clutches protectively to his or her bosom.

For example, women can be stubborn.

This is a fact. How do I know? It takes one to know one. And I am a woman. To make matters even worse, I am a Hungarian woman.

There are many words which mean the same thing as stubborn — obstinate, mulish, willful and inflexible, just to name a few. However, the Hungarian word, makacs, packs a real punch. Nothing can translate the combination of facial expression, body language and tone of voice which accompanies the pronouncement of that word by a husband.

Granted, husbands can be dogged, bull-headed and immovable, but to say a man is makacs would not work because it has feminine nuances.

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