The Norman Transcript

April 26, 2013

Recall


The Norman Transcript

NORMAN — Things we do and say surpass the “blonde moments” we all seem to have from time to time. Things best left unsaid or undone. It would be so helpful to have a retractable line or a delete or button attached to everything we say or do.

Such a device could be used to reel back or undo the action before another human being, usually a relative, sees it. Or take back our words before they hit the tympanic membrane of someone’s shell-like or overly developed conch-like ears.

On second thought a selective amnesia device would be the best and most effective. It would be used on anyone who saw or heard something you said or did that you wish had never happened.

If you are familiar with the “Men in Black” movies, one of those memory wiping flash pens would work. But the memory wipe needed for hoof-in-mouth and other behavioral issues should time settings whereby one can erase anyone’s memory of the past 5, 10, or more minutes. Think of all the grief and drama that could be avoided with these devices.

As it is, the world is full of drama queens, and they come in all ages and genders. Yes, gentlemen, there are moments when even you step out on the world stage, or at least where people can see you, and make a scene. A scene which in retrospect you wish had never happened.

In the case of our offspring, whether the drama queen happens to be a toddler, tween or teen, their lives are one continuous drama. They can’t help themselves (it’s a bit like an out-of-body experience) and the play unfolds. Unfortunately, such dramas are rarely, if ever, applauded by the long suffering audience.

There should be a rule, like the Golden Rule, but it would be known as the Drama Queen Rule. “Blunder if you must, but do it in private.”

Some folks tend to boom out their displeasure or misery, upsetting others. Members of the captive audience may be observed subtly poking their fingers in their ears or pulling pillows over their heads like clean-freak ostriches. (The burying in the sand version is just too messy, and it is hard to breathe.)

Although some can turn on the waterworks at will, weeping crocodile tears to evoke sympathy, no one does it better than a child. It is possible children are born with a drama queen gene which is supposed to shrivel up as they get older, but there are glitches in the program because the worst of the “adult” drama queens have retained and nurtured this annoying gene.

This could explain why some adults act like 2-year olds. Stomping. Screaming. Demanding. Such lovely creatures are certainly not suited for management level positions or, for that matter, customer service representatives. And yet, that is exactly where we find them.

Surely you have come across a few “ladies” and “gentlemen” who exude power and refinement, until they do not get their way. Such elite folk seem to prefer stores and restaurants where they can heap abuse on “minions.”

Denizens of the corporate world have discovered and known that even the most milquetoast, soft-voiced person may bellow or shriek their displeasure causing all their underlings to shrink back in terror or disgust. They feel compelled to shed their Dr. Jekyll personas and become Mr. Hyde. Once the eruption is over, the milquetoast returns, until the next volcanic episode.

Anyone witnessing such goings on would benefit from a quick flash of Mr. Hyde’s amnesia pen, allowing him to resume the Dr. Jekyll mantle of good behavior, with no one the wiser.

As you can see, without the amnesia pen we are doomed to hop around on one foot with the other firmly planted in our mouths as we blunder through life from one catastrophe to another.

Elizabeth is a freelance writer and author. Check out her novel “The Dionysus Connection” on Amazon. Visit her website, www.elizabethcowan.com.

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