The Norman Transcript

Features

February 1, 2013

Sweet Dreams

(Continued)

NORMAN —

At some point during the long sleepless night, you eventually doze off, but the second after you do, the alarm rings.

Time to play Beat the Clock. If your alarm is set to ring several times until it pesters you awake, then just pound it into submission. Eventually, it will stop ringing. At that point, you are more or less ready to face another day or you fall into a deep sleep and end up late for work, but rested.

Now, if you are not too particular where you sleep, there is a fool proof solution for your insomnia.

Just turn on the television, find an animal program on subjects like: “Lady Lions Hunt while Lazy Butt King Lounges;” “The Wildebeest Migration: From One Buffet to Another;” “Baby Leopards Play Hide-n-Seek with Hungry Hyenas;” “Crocodiles Bobbing for Wildebeests at River Crossing,” and other similar thrillers.

It is not so much that the topics are sleep-inducing, but rather the narrator’s tone of voice. For some illogical reason, the softest, most inflection free voices are chosen to narrate animal related films. Consequently, the brain-numbing drone of the male or female voice will have you curling into a kitten-like ball in your recliner, sucking dust off the ceiling before the second commercial comes on.

If you doubt me, just imagine that droning voice saying, “After the female lions kill the okapi, the male lion staggers to his feet with a here-comes-the-king-of-the-jungle roar and expects the females, who did all the work, to get out of his way until his belly is full. Only then are the females and the cubs allowed to pick at the leftovers.”

The words may be different but they produce the same results as does a soft-voiced hypnotist dangling a shiny object in front of a patient repeating, “You are getting sleepy … sleepy … sleepy … what is your bank account password … sleepy …sleepy.”

Elizabeth is a freelance writer and author. Check out her novel “The Dionysus Connection” on Amazon or ask your bookstore to order it for you. Visit her website, www.elizabethcowan.com.

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