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October 24, 2013

Creative cursing 101

NORMAN — Let’s pretend someone stops you on the street and shoves a microphone and camera in your face.

You, my friend, are about to be interviewed on live television. More than likely, it is one of those “Ignoramuses on the Street” segments which tend to draw attention to Average Person’s paucity of knowledge. There are two stipulations: (i) you have to answer several questions quickly and honestly and (ii) if you do not understand the question or the meaning of a word, stop the interviewer and ask for clarification. Viewers at home, feel free to play along.

Are you a cursing aficionado?

“Wait. What’s afic . . ., whatever?”

“A fan, devotee or fanatic.”

When it comes to cursing (also known as swearing), do you think you have heard it all? Do curses fall trippingly off your tongue? Do you indulge in conversational cursing with men and women alike? If so, how long has your sensitivity filter been on the frizz?

Are you capable of carrying on a brief conversation without frequently dropping your limited repertoire of four-letter bombs? Do you even care what goes from your mouth to other people’s ears?

“What’s reptor?”

“Your stock cuss words. Buy a dictionary.”

Are you able to curse for five minutes without repeating yourself? If so, you must be British. (See explanation below.) Or, do you feel that you’re swearing vocabulary is in a rut?

If you answered “yes” to any or all of the foregoing questions, then you may be interested in expanding your vocabulary, swearing and otherwise, beyond the mundane four-letter variety.

“He . . . heck yeah!”

Reporter waves off the geni-ass and turns to face the camera.

What if, in the interest of expanding our cussing capabilities and additional stealth education to folks like our friend, colleges and universities offered classes in Creative Cursing? Would students be eager to learn something new and different? Would the colleges have to open up extra sections to accommodate the demand? In other words, would Creative Cursing 101 become the most popular class in college?

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