The Norman Transcript

June 14, 2014

Thanks for making primary season entertaining

The Norman Transcript

NORMAN — Editor, The Transcript:

Living in a political Red State is frustrating sometimes, but watching the Republican ads on TV during this primary season has been entertaining and hilarious. I laugh out loud as they try to “out-conservative” each other.

Some rules have emerged as the ads flow from commercial to commercial. These are the “new rules” that Republicans now must follow to “out-conservative” their opponents and appeal to uninformed simplistic-minded voters who vote based on TV ads:

Rule 1: Obama must be named as the person who has caused any real or imagined evils in society. In ads, he has been accused of trying to take over our schools, causing small businesses to fail (on purpose), wrecking the economy (on purpose) and just generally being the Anti-Christ and Devil all rolled into one.

Rule 2: If someone has tried to work on improving the country by working with Democrats in any way (oh my), they must be Photoshopped standing next to Obama and accused of not being a true conservative.

Rule 3: The word “conservative” (whatever that means) must be used at least 12 times in the ad or you are out of the running.

Rule 4: You must mention your “Christian values” (?) and your opposition to women having health care choices for themselves, even when running for a state or county office.

Rule 5: You must have worked to cut taxes (for the wealthy) and opposed any federal or state programs that help the poor or unfortunate.

Rule 6: You must support all gun rights and oppose any changes to them.

Rule 7: All candidates must claim that immigrants must be deported along with their children, even those who were born here or grew up in the U.S.

Rule 8: You must be for “liberty and freedom,” except in cases which conflict with your personal religious beliefs. Using the name Jesus helps here, if you can fit it in.

If a candidate breaks any of these rules in appealing to the simplistic, uninformed primary voter, then they are doomed and must become a lobbyist or return to being a lawyer (or dentist if school superintendent) for at least the next two to four years. Then, they can accuse the guy they lost to of being a Washington insider and get funding from a shadow group of wealthy individuals and try, try again.

Good luck with this primary season, and thanks for making it as idiotic and entertaining as the comedy or cartoon channel (or FOX News).

Larry Steele


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