The Norman Transcript

September 1, 2013

Keep flying high

The Norman Transcript

NORMAN — Editor, The Transcript:

I recently took a trip to Idaho and I wanted to share my experience with you. We arrived at the airport at 6 a.m. and was stripped searched at 6:15 a.m.

Did you ever take your belt and shoes off and hold your hands above your head in the X-ray machine because your pants fall down when your hands are above your head like you were going to do jumping jacks.

I finally started to board and looked for my wife and she was busted — held back because of a mysterious object found in her carry-on (felony) jar of huckleberry jelly. I’m real glad we weren’t transporting biscuits, or we would have been locked up. I wonder what they really do with this after confiscating it.

We stepped onto the plane and were greeted very kindly while coming aboard. I was wearing my cowboy hat which had to be removed because my head hit the top of the airplane.

Crouched over with a bottle of water in my pocket trying not to crush my hat, I fell into my seat. I then yelled, “my water just broke,” and the lady beside me said, “I didn’t realize that was possible,” as she was laughing. I then assumed the fetal position for our flight.

An hour or so into the flight, I began to smell a mysterious odor. This dude in front of me had removed his tennis shoes. It was too early for de-scent. I was getting really upset and my wife asked me to calm down.

I turned the fan on and directed it on my nose for fresh air. A lady was sitting behind me with her three year old child. The little innocent child said, “mommy, I think somebody poo-pooed.” I started laughing. Now that was funny.

It’s amazing to me how patient the stewardesses are because no one had to use the rest room until the beverage cart is rolled out. I started to observe a real traffic jam.

You see, the restroom is in the back of the plane. People were standing up, sitting down and trying to crawl over the beverage cart. It looked like rush hour in L.A. Now, if you like your feet or elbows, you’d best keep them cleared of the aisle when that cart goes by.

Finally we started our descent; I thought I was in a rodeo. I put my hat on and yelled out, “turn her loose.” It was like a bucking bull suffering from the miseries. I somehow held on until we landed. It was the best eight-second ride of my life. I may consider first class next time I fly just to compare it with coach. It may be worth the extra money.

Keep flying high.

Jim Barger