The Norman Transcript

Opinion

September 24, 2013

Test your true self with reality TV

(Continued)

NORMAN —

And maybe I’ll start believing folks are introverted and non-judgmental as soon as I stop listening to talk radio and reading stuff online.

The big news, however, is that I’ve discovered a way to replace those personality tests clogging the self-actualization, leadership and motivation market.

From now on, deep personality structure will be catalogued by using Gina’s Reality TV Matrix: In this scenario, your temperament and identity are defined by the tackiest reality shows you watch.

Participants will be divided into categories. We’ll have the “Hoarders, Teen Mom, Catfish” category, otherwise known as the “Too Much Is Not Enough” group. We’ll have a “Doomsday Preppers, Duck Dynasty, Breaking Amish” consortium for those who are adamant about being able to exist in multiple environments simultaneously.

A third group might fall under the “Toddlers And Tiaras, Honey Boo Boo, Dance Moms” aegis. Although this does not mean you are automatically put on the predator list, it does mean you need to start saving for therapy, either your own or your offspring’s.

You’ll assemble a startlingly accurate personality profile based on your selection from each category.

Let’s say you’re a “Duck Dynasty,” “Toddlers and Tiaras,” plus “Pawn Stars” type: you are, therefore, a Domestic Striver, a person with an eye toward putting the value in family values. You like glitter and camo.

Part of the “Dance Moms,” “Teen Mom” and “Doomsday Preppers” constituency? You’re an Apocalypse Hipster, not only believing the world is coming to an end but sort of rooting for it. You like sweat pants and canned goods.

Is “American Pickers,” “Breaking Amish” and “Honey Boo Boo” your signature combo? You’re a Self-Maker, ready for whatever life, or your audience, throws at you, which could be messy. You have a fondness for drama and rust.

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