Wait. You don’t know what a turntable is?
Of course you don’t. That’s because you don’t know what a record is. That’s because you think you are supposed to carry your entire music library in a one-inch, 64-gig jump drive when, in truth, you are supposed to carry your music library the way God intended man to carry his music library: in milk crates.
That’s how we transported our record albums, which many of us kept in the original plastic wrapping.
Who cared? You had your stereo system. Today, you were a man. And if that tradition is dead, it should indeed be mourned, along with the preamp, the eight-track and metal cassette tapes.
What’s a cassette tape?